Annnnnd the domino has been tipped over….

3rd grade was a super hard year for me as a kid. There is a lot of things that I believe in sculpted my personality/life. That was the year that my mother’s long-standing boyfriend/fiance left after 13 yrs they decided to call it quits. I was having a hard time in school, and very very much disliked my teacher, Mrs. Canyon. That was also the year my mom started drinking.

So Why the domino reference in the title? because that would be the thing that started the chain of events that would end up sculpting/ changing my future forever.

I was a social butterfly who didn’t like to sit still in school. I ended up sitting in the front of the classroom because I was disrupting other students. now in my defense, we all sat in quads of 4 facing each other. tell me that isn’t kinda like a setup, to a 7 yr old who has a low attention span. 

this is also the year that my teacher/ guidance counselor suggested to my mom they thought I had ADD. now, this was the time when Ritalin was huge and they were finding out how bad it was long term, and my mom being a nurse said Fuck that! however, she never took me to the doctor after to see if it was serious or if there were other options. Stating that I was just a normal kid who didn’t like to sit still. ( I still don’t I still fidget something when I am just standing or sitting somewhere.)

now remember all this because it will show back up in another post. I will try and link them back here if not. I never liked doing homework, like worse than other kids my age. I had no one at home to push me to do it either. my mom would ask “homework done?”, and I would simply reply “yep all done!”, and she would just accept that. she also was not good at helping me with my homework. id ask her to help me because as I said I was slow and didn’t pay attention. She would tell me “Sorry I don’t know how to do this.” however she never knew how to do any of it so I learned early on there was no support at home.

when Tim, my mom’s fiance left us, she took it extremely hard. She started going to bingo on a regular basis, like once or twice a week. Well, I was only 7 at the time. I remember her asking me if I would mind watching myself for a few hours. I was young af, no parents? no rule? no one to tell me no? Heck Yes! Young Jessica was pumped/ but super scared. The first time I told my mom I would, she got all ready to go, and last minute I said I couldn’t do it. Then I felt bad that my mom got ready for nothing and didn’t get to go. so the next time she wanted to go I mustered up all my strength and confidence and I told her yes I would watch myself. (this later will become an issue even as an adult) I did, and that was the end of that, I watched myself all the time after that. I would sit at home and eat snacks and play Nintendo. so everything was ok, minus leaving a 7 yr old at home alone.

so with everything going on around me, I did not put enough effort into school that year, and because of it, Mrs. Canyon decided to hold me back the next school year. I was devastated, my mom was furious. “Why didn’t you do your work Naudia?” Are you serious? It was because I didn’t understand my work, she wouldn’t/ couldn’t help, so I didn’t put the effort in. 

Back to the domino effect. because of this the next school year I would be with none of my friends, which would force me to get new ones. it also made me be in the same grade as the guy that would later, much later end up being my husband. so my family might not have ever happened had I passed. just weird when you get to think about it.  Right?

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