My Boyfriends Used to come with backup plans.

Ok, so the thing that you till learn is later in life I will learn that I am two-faced literally and physically. So, with that being said, I can not continue with the story.

I have issues, I’ve known I’ve had issues for quite some time, to be honest. But, I have always wanted to have a boyfriend, and I have always been sexually interested in things. Here are a few examples.

When I was about 5 or 6, so a very long memory ago. I remember being at my grandmother’s and taking a bath with my cousin as we did almost every weekend.  Only every once and a while we would play house, as we usually did frequently. However only once and while did we do anything sexual per se.

One of the things we would do is play mom and baby. We would take turns breastfeeding each other. Did we mean it to be sexual? Nope, not even a consideration. We were simply trying to be realistic.

Another when I was around five I used to love looking at my grandpa’s Playboys. I didn’t know it was wrong, I mean it was just in the drawer with the other magazines. ( ya know when we had to have reading material instead of our phones)

I took the mag and I went into the living room and I loved looking for the cartoons. They were funny with the guy’s eyes popping out of their head, or the females with the dumb looks and huge boobs! I remember my grandma telling me those were for Grandpa, and not for kids. I then remember having to sneak to look at my cartoons from then out.

I wanted to be special, and feel important to people. I was very, and still am very dependant on what other people think about me.

I had my first boyfriend in Kindergarten. How might you ask? Because I was able to tie his shoes for him because he had not learned how to yet. Fun fact he ended up being gay, which is great I am not in any way homophobic. I mean I’m Bi-Sexual myself so. Anyways, the point was I ended up being one of the only girls to date him lol.

I basically have been into boys since I started going to school, but I do remember it before then too. Why am I wired like that? I have no idea and if you figure it out please let me know.

So let’s move forward to the teenage years. From about the time I was I don’t know maybe 12/13 years old, I have hated being single and alone. If I was single I was looking for some to fill the spot. I do not know why I felt the constant need to have someone in my life.

So what I started talking to multiple people and when I would date someone I’d stop talking to them for the most part, but leaving enough conversation to keep them in my grasp.

So what would happen is one of two things. One, they would break up with me and I would already have someone in mind. Or two, I would feel the relationship start going South, so before they would break up with me, I would be out looking for replacements, so I would start to date said new person, and then call and break up with them if they had not done so already.

Then as I aged I got smarter and started having rebound guys. Ya know, the ones you always knew would take you back. I had 3. They ended up being very important to me, and great friends later in life. I’ll tell you more when I get there.

So in closing. From the time I started dating till even up to my current relationship of 18 years, I did not like to be single and always tried to have backups just in case so that I wouldn’t have to be single.

Sometimes now I would give almost anything to be single lol!!!! 😉 

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